The Hidden Side of Anger: What You Might Be Feeling Instead

Anger is both a helpful and unhelpful feeling. It can help defend something important in your life - for example, if someone you love is being hurt, or someone is pressuring you to break a principle you hold, anger can give you the energy to defend what is important to you. On the other hand, anger can be an incredibly destructive force. It tears apart families. It leads to abuse. It all too often leads to unnecessary hurt.  In my ten years of experience as a therapist in downtown Hamilton, I’ve seen it happen.

Anger is unfortunately especially a problem for men. Men are too frequently taught that being masculine means limiting emotional expression to a very narrow range.  Men are ‘allowed’ to be neutral, angry, or maybe a little happy. Any expression of other emotion comes with the perceived risk of being weak or ‘less of a man.’ So, men learn to express any uncomfortable feeling as anger. This is not only the case for men, but it is especially the case for men.

So, (especially if you are a man) if you are finding anger causing you to hurt people you love or put distance between you and others, or get you into some other sort of trouble, my advice for you is this…