Worried About Being Judged in Therapy? Here’s What Your Therapist Really Thinks About You
If you’ve ever left a therapy session replaying what you just said, you’re not alone. Doing this can have benefits and drawbacks. On the one hand, thinking about things from your therapist’s perspective can help you have insight into your own thoughts. On the other hand, you might find yourself leaving with a worry that your therapist is judging you as inept, unintelligent, or just plain whiny. The latter is a common fear, but a fear that is not usually helpful. After all, therapy often involves talking about things we don’t usually say out loud, so of course it’s going to feel a bit scary. In my ten years as a therapist in downtown Hamilton, I’ve met with hundreds of clients and nearly all of them have shown or expressed some sort of fear about sharing what they really feel or think. I get it!
What you may not realize is that a good therapist approaches therapy with their clients in a very structured and strategic way. Yes, I spend my days listening to peoples’ problems, and I hope that for you, being in a session with me feels comfortable, like chatting with a friend over coffee. For me, my experience of our session is quite different. It’s more like working through a puzzle. When I listen to clients’ problems, I’m thinking of how to organize and make sense of all the pieces they’re presenting to me so that I can suggest a way to most effectively put the pieces together, with the client, to make a picture that’s cohesive and whole.
So, what’s really going on in your therapist’s mind when you’re in session—or even after you leave? Let’s break down some of the biggest misconceptions about how therapists think and what their role truly is:
Therapists Are Focused on Helping, Not Judging
A therapist’s job isn’t to critique your choices or dwell on your mistakes. Instead, they’re trained to look at patterns, behaviours, and emotions with curiosity and care—so they can help you untangle what’s holding you back.
Think about it this way: A personal trainer doesn’t judge you for not knowing how to lift weights—they help you build strength. A therapist does the same, but for your mind. The therapy I get most excited about is when I get to be a part of someone growing.
What Your Therapist Actually Thinks About Between Sessions
Therapists often spend time from one appointment to the next reflecting on your progress, considering strategies that might help, and preparing for your next conversation.
They might:
Think about what tools or coping strategies could work best for your situation.
Reflect on themes that came up in your session to better understand how to support you.
Evaluate how effective they are being and what they can do to be more effective with you.
What they don’t do? Sit around judging your life choices. This feels a bit cheeky to say, but when I leave work, I’m usually focused on going out and living my own life, not reflecting on how you might not be living up to some arbitrary standard set by me. I, like most people, think mostly about myself when given the opportunity, which hopefully gives you the freedom to say what you need to say in therapy.
Therapists Aren’t Here to Judge the Significance of Your Problems
Many people hesitate to open up fully because they worry their problems are too big, too small, or too embarrassing. But therapists talk to people about real, raw human experiences every single day. The things you think are “too much” or “too weird” are often things a therapist has helped many others navigate before. It is not uncommon that people think their unwanted thought is the worst possible unwanted thought. I can’t say I’ve heard exactly yours but I can say I have heard pretty much every kind of unwanted thought and I can’t remember the last time I felt shocked because of how extreme an intrusive thought was.
Your therapist isn’t keeping a mental scorecard of your mistakes or thinking about how they’d handle your life differently. They’re simply there to listen, guide, and help you move forward. I am really much more interested in how to get you moving to where you need to go than trying to morally evaluate where you are.
Therapy Is About Growth, Not Perfection
If fear of judgment has been holding you back from therapy, know this: your therapist isn’t there to critique you—they’re there to help. Therapy isn’t about saying the “right” things or having it all figured out. It’s about showing up, being honest, and allowing yourself the space to grow.
So the next time you find yourself wondering, “What does my therapist really think of me?”—the answer is simple. They’re probably thinking about how to help you.
If you’re ready for a space where you can truly be yourself—in a safe space — therapy with me might be the next step. Contact me if you’d like to book a free 15 minute phone call to learn more about how I can help you with your problems, no matter how big or small they may feel to you.
-Scott
